Being Me

Wow, what an amazing year this has been, I can’t believe that my blog is almost two years old. The past twelve months have been incredible, I could never have dreamt that I would be able to achieve so much, whilst still battling the chronic pain of Fibromyalgia. I vowed that my illness would never define me, I sometimes forget that it’s there. I have spent much time over the years convincing myself that the medical profession got my diagnosis wrong, that maybe I had post viral fatigue, Lyme disease anything but Fibro…..but the positive outcome of it; my Holistic Fibro Fighter Blog.

I started writing it, as a form of therapy to help me express my frustration with living with a chronic pain condition and then it started to morph into a review of the therapies and activities that I had experienced. I then began to feel pressurised into writing something exciting each month; this was never my intention, I have looked back over my monthly blogs and can see my writing style has changed. I can also see the journey that I have been on and the direction into which I am currently heading.

This Blog is a journal of my journey and personal fight with Fibro, it is fundamentally about me; I almost lost sight of my purpose, by trying too hard. Those of you that follow my blog have your own reasons for reading it should you choose to, if no one else reads it then that’s OK too.

I write from my heart, often with grammatical, spelling or typos, but that’s me! It is a way for me to explore my many ups and a few downs as I negotiate my life living with a body that can let me down when I least expect it. Everyday is a challenge, I have constant pain all over my body, that often moves about, during the day and night. If I am unfortunate to catch a virus it can floor me, I try to eat healthy following a vegetarian diet, I exercise. I enjoy a gin and tonic and a glass of wine, I avoid red wine and caffeine at all costs, I love it; but it causes a massive flare up, its a small sacrifice to make.

I look well; looks can be deceiving.  I put a smile on my face and keep on facing forward, as I am heading in that direction. Every body is different and when you meet me and proffer some well meaning advice, have I tried this or tried that? I will thank you kindly and then continue on my way. I may in the future try something you have suggested, I may have already tried it, I may decline to try it. I know what is the most appropriate treatment for me and my body.

We seem to live in a world where we are all competing to be something, be someone; who is following us on social media and how many friends we do or don’t have on facebook. It is the real people in your life that matter, your family, your close friends, your local support group and the acquaintances you make as you travel through life.

A few months ago, I attended the monthly support group that I went to when I was first diagnosed in 2014, the group has been going for many years and although our numbers have dwindled, we are a determined bunch of individuals and I intend to help to keep the group going, I believe without their support over the years, my story could have been very different. I am always reminded of the time I first arrived a bit prim, short styled hair, wearing black and white, pale faced and feeling incredibly low in the bottom of a deep hole, I was walking with a stick and on a cocktail of medication. I laugh when I look at myself now, I am so very different, not just in looks but in the way I have chosen to live with my pain.

With the groups encouragement I have been exploring more healing therapies that I could have imaged, and I am sure there are still more to experience, some have benefited me, others I choose not to have again. My body knows what it wants and needs to heal itself, learning to trust that intuition without feeling guilty or the need to explain myself is incredibly important. Saying No; is still challenging, but it does get easier each time I empower myself to follow what I believe is the right path for me.

I have learnt so much about myself, I thought I was looking for something that I had lost. However, it was there all the time; my soul and spirit had become hidden. Having constant pain seems to numb the senses and I lost touch with myself, my inner child and what makes me the unique individual, that I am. Having time to explore who I am, with like-minded people has led to the most amazing experiences I have ever had.

I have taken up new fitness activities Zumba and more recently FitSteps I would never have thought that I would be able to dance with such passion and enthusiasm and love it so much, even if my brain is finding getting my feet, arms and body to go in the right directions. I often find myself freestyling, I can do the exercise at my own pace, with a smile on my face. Fibro does dot define me.

I have learnt to dowse for water, electricity and energy. I have journeyed deep into my subconscious through Shamanic practice, I have birthed a drum, I have attended workshops on crafting, birdwatching and incense making to name but a few. I have meditated with Tibetan monks, watched as they created a peace mandala and then watch its careful destruction. There is much to be learnt, in all of this.

My pain is manageable at present, I continue to have monthly sound Gong baths, I go for regular healing sessions at Lupton. I continue to use Reiki on myself and I am in the process of being able to offer this to others and their companion animals in the New Year.

I use my beautiful drum to energise, cleanse my home and assist in my own healing. I have some great workshops to look forward to over the coming months using dowsing as a healing therapy. I am truly grateful that my life is so enriched with opportunities to help heal myself.

I have spent time enjoying the company of friends and family, the people that I choose to spend time with, I have laughed more than I have cried. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to be who I am, to do what makes me happy, without judgement and supporting me during the times that challenge me.

The memory of Gaunts House dancing around the fire until the small hours, awakened in my soul to really embrace Celebrating Life and Being Alive. I am eagerly awaiting to do it all again next year.

Wishing everyone Love, Health and Happiness for 2019 xx

Please find the links to some of the wonderful opportunities, I have been blessed to participate in

Support Group based in Paignton

Shamanic workshops and Celebrating life and being alive gathering

Gong baths and Sound Therapy

Lupton House Healing

Devon Dowsers

Zumba

FitSteps